How do children learn their gender? Different pace for girls and boys

We all feel the pressure from our environment to fit in as best as possible – whether as an exemplary man or woman. However, scientists have now determined at what point life begins the so-called gender conformity – and interestingly, how it differs among girls and boys.

Both men and women feel negative reactions towards their own gender in adulthood.

When someone or something threatens one’s sense of masculinity, it is often met with aggression or other destructive/harmful behavior as a compensatory mechanism. In turn, if women do something stereotypically “unfeminine” or even just think about it out loud, they may be heavily criticized for it.

Three psychology professors from the University of New York and the University of Richmond looked at when in human development girls and boys begin to feel motivated to conform to gender norms. The results of their research were published in the scientific journal Developmental Psychology.

Professors examined a group of 147 children aged 5 to 10. Children from New York took part in two games: “Girl Questions Game” and “Boy Questions Game”. These were quizzes with very gender-stereotypical questions, e.g. “which of these flowers is a poppy?” (Girl Questions Game) or “which of these teams won the NFL championship in 2016?” (Boy Questions Game).

After submitting their answers, they received feedback – randomly. They concerned whether their answers were “typical for their gender” or “atypical”. And it could, of course, happen that a boy passed the questions “for girls” with flying colors and failed most of those “intended for “boys”. Then the children were assessed how well they “handled” this information. For example, would such a boy want to be on the list of winners of the “Girl Questions Game” in a special book, or would he like this information hidden and would prefer to receive a sticker? And would he be worried about what his peers would think? This part of the study showed that children respond to threats regarding their gender conformity in three main ways.

First, both boys and girls of all ages had strong fears of peer rejection and reported lower self-esteem when they learned that their responses were “atypical” for their gender.

Secondly, some children actively tried to prove that they fit into their gender group: younger girls emphasized their “femininity” and older boys reinforced their “masculinity”, for example by declaring greater interest in stereotypically masculine toys or choosing to try the Boy Questions Game again.

Third, boys of all ages avoided anything that might seem “unmasculine,” clearly distancing themselves from elements associated with girls – something that was not observed for girls.

Scientists emphasize that such reactions appear already around the age of 5 and may constitute the foundation for later problems, such as aggression in men or women’s fear of entering male spheres. Therefore, the early school period is a key moment for building a safe, unforced gender identity.